I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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