that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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