You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
