Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
smell my finger.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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