hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
