They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
