I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
do nipples grow back?
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