Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
