There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
