me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
