how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
