broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
