my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
