Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
