I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
