I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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