Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
