Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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