She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
