South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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