Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
