Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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