I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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