All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
