Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
