He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
