2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
