Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
