I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
