I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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