Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
