So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He felt like a one man threesome
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
