Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
