Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
