my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
