I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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