Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
