I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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