I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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