physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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