he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
