i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Someone signed my nipple.
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