Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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