I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
