I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
