My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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