I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
