Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize