someone get that fucking seahorse.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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