Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Randomize
