Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
