I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
