soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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