How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
