whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
