The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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