The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
