please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This is classic penis vs brain.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
