and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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